Precision Pays

You know it must be fall when the trees are turning colors, pumpkins are on porches and people are getting lost in corn mazes.

Once upon a time, pumpkin farms and fall festivals began developing small, simple mazes from hay bales or corn stalks to entertain families, but the current maze craze of huge, elaborate designs in corn fields is only about 15 years old – not so coincidentally about the time that the use of precision technology GPS guidance systems for planters and harvesters started to gain popularity.

There are a number of companies now that specialize in helping people design and cut corn mazes in their fields for fun and profit, like Precision Mazes of Lee’s Summit, MO. “Precision Mazes combines the most accurate GPS technology with highly advanced corn field cutting techniques to produce a process you just won’t find anywhere else. From basic designs to the most intricate and elaborate creations, Precision Mazes can turn your corn field maze concepts into an attraction people will be talking about for years.”

The largest official corn maze (at more than 40 acres) is in Dixon, Calif., but a Nebraska farmer is looking to break that Guinness Book record this year with his 54-acre maze. However, this year’s maze craze prize has to go to Bob Connors of Massachusetts, who created one based on the “Family Guy” TV show. Connors reportedly received permission from the Fox network to use the characters from the program and has invited Seth MacFarlane, the creator of the “Family Guy” series to visit the corn maze.

More than 600 corn mazes can be found from coast to coast, according to the Corn Maze Directory, many with different themes each year. The complexity varies but some can take hours to navigate with cell phone help available to those who get lost.

The American Maze Company takes credit for bringing the art of the maze to America and to the cornfield. According to their website, they created and produced the first ever cornfield maze for private or public entertainment in 1993 at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, Pennsylvania. The Maize claims to be the World’s Largest Cornfield Maze Company in the world, which provides information on how to create your own maze.

Check out some other A-Maze-ing sites here.

Give credit to farmers and their creativity. Not only are they saving time, input dollars and the environment thanks to the tools of precision agriculture, some growers find ways to use it to enhance their personal lives.

Vega, Texas grower Braden Gruhlkey used his John Deere GreenStar GPS-based guidance system to accurately plow the letters of his marriage proposal to his girlfriend Lauren.

“I just used an A+heading line for the top and bottom  of the letters. I used this as a guide to see how big to make my letters.  Then I just made ab and a+ heading lines to make the letters. And it worked nice because when I got one letter finished I could use the same lines and  just shift track them. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, and I did it all in the field. I thought it turned out pretty neat.”

Then, on April 18th, Braden took girlfriend Lauren for an airplane ride and popped the question. 

With the help of GreenStar, Braden’s creativity was a huge hit…she became his fiance.

Now you knew someone would, sooner or later, put John Deere’s iTEC Pro technology to the test by leaving the cab, as witnessed by this crazy driverless tractor video.

Good thing the GPS signal did not drop. And please, don’t try this at home. I’d like to see the rest of the video where the farmer had to run and jump in the cab without getting run over–unless, of course, someone was hiding in the cab.

Not too smart, I must say. But it’s a great testament to the quality of the Deere precision agriculture technology.

I’ve always found that daily laughter is just as important as eating right, exercise, family and business success. To this end, we take a break on this Saturday for some levity. I’m sure you can relate to these real life definitions of some ‘precision’ agricultural tools we use…

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beverage across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ”What the…??”

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC”S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the shop while yelling ”DAMMIT” at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. 

I’d like to thank the unknown writer of these definitions I received in an email from a friend. And I’m sure we could all add farm definitions to these and other tools! Have a great weekend.